A Little Priest and A Little Sweeney
by JDeppIsMyLovely
Summary: Another Song with Sweeney comments! enjoy!


**Hello again! This is A Little Priest with Sweeney's commentary! But first: Announcements.**

**1. I will be gone for 3 weeks starting *looks at clock on laptop* in 12 hours so I can't upload anything during that time, I'm sorry!**

**2. for all of you who follow Sweeney's Opportunity: I KNOW I havent updated in a really long tim and im REALLY sorry, I swear! but if you forgive me you will have a new chapter by the end of July**

**3. Who else is going to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at midnight on July 14th? Are you going to cry? I am! :'(**

** I don't own the song or characters or anything..just Sweeney's comments. And really, the english language owns my comments so I guess I own nothing really...*sniffle***

**Oh! and I didn't get my editor to pre-read this so I really hope it makes sense! :)**

**Anyway! Here's this silliness!**

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><p><em>That's all very well, but what we gonna do about him?<em>

Isn't it obvious? Clearly, you don't watch a lot of cop shows.

_Later on when it's dark, we'll take it to some secret place and bury him_

Its brilliant! Mwahahaha! We are evil, fer SURE.

_Oh yeah. Of course we could do that. I don't 'spose he's got any relatives gonna come pokin' 'round lookin' for him._

Look; If you disagree, just say so! I don't really appreciate your sarcasm.

_Seems a downright shame..._

That you don't see the brilliance of my idea? I agree indefinitely!

_Shame?_

_That's_ what came out of my mouth? Wow, my mouth is nicer to her than my brain is! LOL!

_Seems an awful waste..._

What has my mind told you about using complete sentences?

_Such a nice, plump frame_

Plump? Dude was thinner than a toothpick!

_Wot's 'is name has..._

How many times do we have to go through the rule about completing your sentences?

_Had..._

Really? Now you're just trying to make me angry.

_Has_

No. Comment.

_Nor it can't be traced..._

Yeah, I know we aren't going to get caught. Thanks for clearing that up for me though.

_Bus'ness needs a lift,_

Lift? Its going to need more than just a _lift, _dear.

_Debts to be erased..._

Only white-out can erase your debts, an eraser just wont cut it.

_Think of it as thrift,_

Oh lovely. I see its confuse Sweeney time again…

_As a gift,_

A gift is a necktie, or maybe some socks. Not a dead guy.

_If you get my drift_

Well I don't. Good try though.

_Seems an awful waste..._

THAT'S IT! I'm writing you a strongly worded letter about your sentences after this song!

_I mean, with the price of meat_

Strongly. Worded. Letter.

_What it is,_

What is what? I like you less than usual right now.

_When you get it,_

You get meat when you run out, duh. Or in your case, when you catch to speedy little kitties…sicko.

_If you get it..._

Wait a minute…does she mean…?

_Ah!_

INGENIUS!

_Good, you got it!_

For once I most certainly DO get it!

_Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!_

Cat pie lady? I doubt she uses dead people…or does she…? Suspicousness level: raised.

_Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast_

_!_Why would she need toast if she puts them in pies, that's my question.

_Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most!_

Excuse me? What do you- OH KITTIES! That's what you mean, KITTIES! Ha ha you got me for a second there, Lovett!

_And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste_

_!_People would most definitely taste better in pies than kitties! Kittens are just so CUTE

!_Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion_

Good cover mouth, wouldn't want to sound like a (excuse my bad joke) pussy, now would we?

_Well, it does seem a waste.._

_._A waste INdeed!

_Eminently practica_

_l_quite mouth, quite.

_And yet appropriate as always_

_!_Oh, well I don't really think she's all that appropriate…but you haven't failed me yet, Opening-I-Use-To-Voice-My-Opinion!

_Think about it..._Don't tell me what to do! *3 year old Sweeney makes an appearance*

_Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived_

OH NO! NOW SHE'S GOT ME DOING IT!

_Without you all these years, I'll never know!_

Evil in a corset, that's what you are. And I'm not talking about the people pies. *cough cough* your contagious lack of complete senences!

_How delectable!_

Woah there! Lets not imply that sort thing! She might get the wrong idea…

_Also undetectable!_

It's like she's an evil undercover cop

!_Lots of other gentlemen'll_

*sigh* you're not going to stop are you?

_Soon be comin' for a shave,_

Their last shave! Mwahahaha!

_Won't they?_

They will. Don't doubt my barber skills!

_Think of_

You know, I've never been a fan of cliffhangers…

_All them_

_Really _not a fan.

_Pies!_

I need a drink_._

_How choice!_

Very choice. I loves me some alcohol!

_How_

Preferably in the bottle. Why should I inconvenience myself with glasses? I'm just gonna drink it all anyway!

_Rare!_

It is rare that I just drink it from the bottle, that Toby kid hogs it all!

_For what's the sound of the world out there?_

People. People and their nonsense, me.

_What, Mr. Todd?_

Didn't you hear my inquiry?

_What, Mr. Todd?_

I'm not repeating myself.

_What is that sound?_

It's me! Talking to you! Or, really, it's me yelling at you telepathically.

_Those crunching noises pervading the air!_

Crunching noises are so inconsiderate to the air! Pervading it and such all the time!

_Yes, Mr. Todd!_

_It's good to hear you agree _

_Yes Mr. Todd!_

Repeating things you just said really isn't as productive as you think…

_Yes, all around!_

Right…

_It's man devouring man, my dear!_

Omnomnom! People!

_And/Then who are we to deny it in here?_

We would be bad people; worse than the kitty eaters!

_These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!_

ahhh, desperate measures! My favorite kind of measure! Those, and Drastic measures.

_Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!_

Another meat pie? I wonder what's in it…

_What is that?_

My exact thoughts mouth! You must be a mind reader!

_It's priest. Have a little Priest, _

only if it's yumtastic!

_Is it really good?_

I mean yumtastic.

_Sir, it's too good, at least!_

Too good, you say? Well that's quite good…

_Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh,_

Yeah, the religious tend to stay away from sins, or just get forgiveness A LOT.

_So it's pretty fresh._

How fresh? Was he killed today or yesterday? Don't you lie to me!

_Awful lot of fat._

Oh, I forgot. Gotta watch my figure!

_Only where it sat._

Well then don't give me that part!

_Haven't you got poet, or something like that?_

Those have less calories. At least that's what wikipedia said anyway…

_No, y'see, the trouble with poet is_

What? What's the problem? What is it Lovett? *hysterical*

_'Ow do you know it's deceased?_

It. Doesn't. Have. A. Heartbeat. Good thing you aren't a doctor…

_Try the priest!_

But…but you said it had fat…

_Lawyer's rather nice._

I hope it's the one who defended me at my court hearing! The world could do without him; he's terrible!

_If it's for a price._

Yeah, lawyer might be pricey, even if its dead…

_Order something else, though, to follow,_

To follow? What, like _stalk?_

_Since no one should swallow it twice!_

Unless he's got a twin…

_Anything that's lean?_

Like POET? I'm really craving someone creative!

_Well, then, if you're British and loyal,_

I _am_ British, but I wouldn't call myself loyal per say…

_You might enjoy Royal Marine!_

Marine you say? Sounds fishy…

_Anyway, it's clean._

That sounds nice…

_Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been_

_!_Oh…I don't really think I should risk that.

_Is that squire, on the fire?_

Squire? Where? YUM!

_Mercy no, sir, look closer,_

Oh. Disappointment…

_You'll notice it's grocer!_

BORRRRR-ING!

_Looks thicker,_

I guess…

_More like vicar_

_!_I already said I don't like religious people!

_No, it has to be grocer -_

Why?

_It's green!_

Oh…OH! Ahahaha, I get it! Good one!

_The history of the world, my love-_

Is long and boring. I don't have time for such nonsense.

_Save a lot of graves,_

In case you haven't noticed, its just me. I don't need like, 7 graves

._Do a lot of relatives favors!_

I have relatives? WHY didn't you tell meeee?

_Is those below serving those up above!_

Serving? What do I mean by that? Like, here's your pina colada Mr. Dead-Guy? Because that's pretty demeaning…I'm not doing that.

_Ev'rybody shaves,_

Except the Amish. Those cool kids like their beards!

_So there should be plenty of flavors!_

We should display flavors on a chalkboard like ice cream shops!

_How gratifying for once to know_

she's got me cutting off my sentences again!

_That those above will serve those down below!_

WOAH! We said that at the same time! Psychic pals!

_What is that?_

It looks fancy for some reason…

_It's fop._

Well that explains it!

_Finest in the shop._

Hahaha! Joke: understood.

_And we have some shepherd's pie peppered_

With what? REAL shepherd?

_With actual shepherd on top!_

Ok, my psychic accuracy is starting to scare me.

_And I've just begun-_

You sure? this song is getting kind of lenghty...

_Here's the politician, so oily_

Ew. I won't eat that.

_It's served with a doily,_

Just because you make it look good, doesn't mean it is. Example: you. You're evilish, if I do say so myself!

_Have one!_

No, I shall pass.

_Put it on a bun._

Why would I tell her to do that? It already has pie crust! If she does that it will be a pie burger!

_Well, you never know if it's going to run!_

Well we are just full of jokes today, aren't we?

_Try the friar,_

Again: I don't like religious guyyyysss!

_Fried, it's drier!_

Don't care. It still tastes funny. Wait, how do I know it tastes funny…?

_No, the clergy is really_

Gross? Probably.

_Too coarse and too mealy!_

I agree with myself!

_Then actor,_

Oh, moving on to the self absorbed are we?

_It's compacter!_

You only said that because it rhymes!

_Ah but always arrives overdone!_

*Ba dum chhh!* drum noises are the best!

_I'll come again when you have judge on the menu,_

Sounds like a good idea, me!

_Have charity towards the world, my pet!_

Why did I call her my pet? That's weird…

_Yes, yes, I know, my love!_

I am NOT your love! Take it back!

_We'll take the customers that we can get!_

Tell her to take it back!

_High-born and low, my love!_

There she goes AGAIN! This nonsense needs to cease immediately!

_We'll not discriminate great from small!_

We wont? Ok me, whatever you say…except my pet. that's just not cool…

_No, we'll serve anyone,_

_Siriusly? Meaning anyone,_

I guess so…

_And to anyone_

Except me. I'm not eating any of this; _especially _those clergy kids.

_At all!_

Except. Me. And if you forget, I WILL never accidentally brush my hand against yours! So you can either never feed me those pies, or never accidentally touch me and my attractiveness again. It's up to you…

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><p><strong>And there you go! It's a bit suckish because I typed this kinda fast...Review loves! :) And thank you to everyone who reviewed! I have nnow figured out how to respond to reviews so if you review anything of mine starting now you will probably get a response! :) P.S. you should check out my editor sclover4520 because she is writing a LOVELY story and y'all might like to read and review that too. That and I told her I would give her a shout out... XD Love you crazy Kids!<strong>


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